I haven’t written a blog post since October, 2011. There were a multitude of reasons, but the basic fact is that I quit blogging, I quit writing, and a little part of me quit living. For a while. I got too caught up in what I needed to say instead of just saying it. But God is patient. God is kind. And so after a while, the desire started stirring again. And yesterday the dam broke.
We had a guest pastor at church and he said two things that broke the dam.
“People don’t fail…they quit trying.”
And that is what I did.
He also said,
“Everything starts out small before it can get big.”
He said a lot more, but those two things, those were for me. ( From Dream to Reality sermon )
The words fell into my heart and cracked the casement that had surrounded it locking it away. If I don’t do it, then I can’t fail. If I don’t open up then I can’t get hurt. If I take my hands off the keyboard then the world can’t break my heart.
But my heart was breaking from the inside out trying to keep the words trapped inside.
I woke up this morning, after the deluge of emotions ran their course yesterday, and I am opening up the vein that starts in my heart, goes to my head and leaves out my fingers, on to the page, into the world.
The Word breathed life into this world and created it. Lets see what those words can create in me.
Starting out small…again.
I cannot fail if I do not quit trying.
So I am trying…no, I am doing. There is no try. 🙂
Thank you Pastor Thomas.
”Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…” Zechariah 4:10
Last night was the eve of your 15thbirthday. 15 years ago October 15 we were waiting, and breathing, and pushing. Me, your daddy, your nana, and a group of doctors and nurses, all anxiously awaiting your arrival. It would be several more hours, another midnight would pass, before you breathed your first breath, cried your first cry, and shed your first tear.
But I remember the waiting.
I had held you under my heart for almost 9 months. I had felt your hiccups and your kicks. I had grown swollen from head to toe with what would transform into a love for you that I still cannot wrap my head around.
You entered the world
Eyes wide open.
Your nana saw your ear first, tiny and perfect, but no one said anything, and the silence seemed to last forever.
You were blue, with the cord that had sustained you for nine months inside wrapped tightly around your neck. I looked to your father and your nana and no one would look at me, all eyes were on you, waiting.
Ear deafening silence.
The doctor did what he was trained to do and unwrapped what had kept you alive inside of me, but had become a life thief on your journey into being.
And then breath.
Tears and laughter from all who were in attendance.
October 16, 1996 and every year I think back to what life was like on October 15, 1996 and before. About how on that day you took your first breath as McKenna Lynn Rider and I took my first breath as mom.
We have both been becoming over the last 15 years. You have grown so fast and you have taught me so much. More than I could ever imagine
And now my darling…that cocoon that your family and friends have wrapped around you, those bindings are beginning to tighten.
You are growing into the wings that God has given you, and you are, just like a caterpillar, preparing to break free.
Part of me, and all those who adore you, want nothing more than to keep you safe and wrapped up tight. However, we can also see a glimpse of the amazing becoming God has planned for you. We once again have to wait and watch, and breath.. and still push. We have nourished you, body, mind, and soul with the bread from our table and the Bread from His Word.
We have protected and prayed for you, even when we didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. You have accomplished so much in a few short years starting with your entrance, and then your illness, and challenges that have made you grow stronger and stronger.
But my princess, my darling girl, your cocoon is getting cramped, and your wings are growing stronger.
As much as I would like to, I have to stand back and pray, and watch and pray, and listen and pray. As much as I would like to, you have to break out on your own. A butterfly will die if someone breaks open his cocoon and he will die if he doesn’t get the strength to break himself free. He has to struggle and strengthen his wings in order to fly.
I think it’s harder to watch you then it is for you to do it, but watch I must.
Happy Birthday my darling one.
Soon you will fly and in His strength you will soar.
I love you to the moon…and back.
Be strong IN THE LORD
Putting on the armor of God. I’ve talked about this before on my blog. I’ve written extensively on each piece and what it means. This week, while discussing it with friends, I had a couple of ah-ha moments.
Paul is writing to the church in Ephesus to teach and encourage. They didn’t have television, radio, blogs, webcasts, videos. All they had was each other. The Bible had not been compiled yet, it was still a work in progress. The followers of Christ had stories that were passed on by word of mouth, individual accounts of the miracles and stories of Jesus The letters that Paul sent to the different churches were very important. The letters encouraged, instructed, and reminded the believers.
Paul encourages the believers at Ephesus to be strong IN THE LORD. Not to be strong in their leaders, or to be strong on their own. But to be strong IN THE LORD. We increase our strength in something by working on it. By learning it. By studying it. Body builders do not develop those muscles overnight. We have to strengthen our spiritual muscles by studying God’s word. By Prayer. By surrounding ourselves with others who are being strong IN THE LORD.
Satan is cunning and will attempt to distract us with other things in the world to “strengthen” us. It might be money, prestige, success, fame, beauty or more sinister things like alcohol, drugs, or sex. For me my desire for approval from man was so strong that it was my greatest weakness. Artificial strength is no strength at all. What do we sacrifice when we trade being strong IN THE LORD with being strong in the world?
Ask someone on their deathbed what is important? Money, looks, or things.
What is important?
Family, friends, faith, a cause that made a difference.
Being strong IN THE LORD will give you the strength and the desire to impact the world instead of having the world impact you.
10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. (Ephesians 6:10)