Last night was the eve of your 15thbirthday. 15 years ago October 15 we were waiting, and breathing, and pushing. Me, your daddy, your nana, and a group of doctors and nurses, all anxiously awaiting your arrival. It would be several more hours, another midnight would pass, before you breathed your first breath, cried your first cry, and shed your first tear.
But I remember the waiting.
I had held you under my heart for almost 9 months. I had felt your hiccups and your kicks. I had grown swollen from head to toe with what would transform into a love for you that I still cannot wrap my head around.
You entered the world
Eyes wide open.
Your nana saw your ear first, tiny and perfect, but no one said anything, and the silence seemed to last forever.
You were blue, with the cord that had sustained you for nine months inside wrapped tightly around your neck. I looked to your father and your nana and no one would look at me, all eyes were on you, waiting.
Ear deafening silence.
The doctor did what he was trained to do and unwrapped what had kept you alive inside of me, but had become a life thief on your journey into being.
And then breath.
Tears and laughter from all who were in attendance.
October 16, 1996 and every year I think back to what life was like on October 15, 1996 and before. About how on that day you took your first breath as McKenna Lynn Rider and I took my first breath as mom.
We have both been becoming over the last 15 years. You have grown so fast and you have taught me so much. More than I could ever imagine
And now my darling…that cocoon that your family and friends have wrapped around you, those bindings are beginning to tighten.
You are growing into the wings that God has given you, and you are, just like a caterpillar, preparing to break free.
Part of me, and all those who adore you, want nothing more than to keep you safe and wrapped up tight. However, we can also see a glimpse of the amazing becoming God has planned for you. We once again have to wait and watch, and breath.. and still push. We have nourished you, body, mind, and soul with the bread from our table and the Bread from His Word.
We have protected and prayed for you, even when we didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. You have accomplished so much in a few short years starting with your entrance, and then your illness, and challenges that have made you grow stronger and stronger.
But my princess, my darling girl, your cocoon is getting cramped, and your wings are growing stronger.
As much as I would like to, I have to stand back and pray, and watch and pray, and listen and pray. As much as I would like to, you have to break out on your own. A butterfly will die if someone breaks open his cocoon and he will die if he doesn’t get the strength to break himself free. He has to struggle and strengthen his wings in order to fly.
I think it’s harder to watch you then it is for you to do it, but watch I must.
Happy Birthday my darling one.
Soon you will fly and in His strength you will soar.
I love you to the moon…and back.